I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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