I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
