Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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