Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it's great music for shaving your balls
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
