Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
