Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
