OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
