Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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