Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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