this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
