I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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