last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
