my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
