Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
