he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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