Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
