I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
