Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
