I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
