better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
