you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
