I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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