She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
