We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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