If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
