I met the friendliest cop last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
