It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
where does the pee come out of this thing
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
