I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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