My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
