On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
