I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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