I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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