hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
