yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had sex on a dog bed..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
