I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
