We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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