So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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