I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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