You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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