Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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