Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I love you.
Bad choice
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