I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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