It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
