a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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