I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
