We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
