Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
