Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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