fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
