im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
